Pure Protein has so many protein options and most of them are solid as heck
Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey. And sometimes food.
Protein powder has become a necessary part of my life. Not because of any specific weightlifting goal, but because I am old and my diet stinks and, yeah, it turns out a little protein powder in my morning coffee will keep me from devouring a whole bag of Andy Capp's Hot Fries at 1 p.m..
Thus, I have found a place among the supplements, looking for a proper balance between muscle-building protein and gut-building calories. This was a region that got stupidly expensive during the pandemic and remains pricey, if less prohibitively so. So when Pure Protein offered to send along a media kit for review, I said yes.
With it came an array of protein foods -- shakes, powder, bars and chips. Pure Protein casts a wide net. Let's see if their products stand out in the right ways.
Galactic Brownie Batter shake: B+
It doesn't pour as thick as I'd expect and the smell off the top is a familiar, slightly stale notes endemic to protein powders. None of that is bad, obviously, but it's clear this isn't a regular dessert drink.
And, indeed, some of the chalky whey flavor persists, but it's quickly dashed away by sweet and sharp chocolate. It does taste like a Little Debbie brownie, which is familiar but also not always great. There's a certain "ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR" vibe that accompanies each sip like it did those prepackaged snacks.
But of course you weren't going to get full, deep sugar flavor from a drink striving to be a healthy alternative to a Gaston-like daily menu of eggs. The sucralose here is apparent, but not problematic for anyone used to diet sodas. At 30 grams of protein across 140 calories, the ratio here is pretty solid -- better than most of the protein powders I've bought in my life (I mostly just get whatever is on sale, I'm not picky).
Galactic Brownie Batter delivers on its promises. It's got snack cake flavor tinted to the colors of familiar protein supplements. How much you like it will probably depend on how much lunch money you burned on packaged baked goods as a kid.
Caramel Churro shake: C
Well here's an interesting flavor I've never encountered in the protein or dessert realm. Well, of course, outside of actual churros. It pours medium thick and the smell off the top is slight cinnamon toast but, much more notably, protein powder.
And, whoa, this is sweet. The Caramel Churro doesn't quite hit its goal. Instead it tastes like the milk after a big bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but with a couple of packets of Sweet-n-Low dropped on top. In the middle you kinda see what Pure Protein was going for, but it's washed away in a riptide of artificial flavor.
It's just "off" enough to be noticeable. It doesn't really work as a dessert and doesn't feel substantial enough to qualify as one of the better protein shakes. There's a certain stickiness involved here that makes the whole affair slightly unpleasant. It's drinkable, but it's not a flavor I'd seek out.
Sweet Chili Popped Crisps: B+
Oh, hey, remember Pop Chips? No, right? They were a thing at Target for a minute and sponconned their way into a few episodes of Community. But same concept as these crisps; crunchy, not-fried crisps halfway between a chip and popcorn. Not quite a Muncho. Man, I miss Munchos.
Anyway, the bag carries a light sweet-and-spicy scent once you open it. The chips themselves are a little heavier than I expected; closer to a pork rind than a Pop Chip. The flavor itself is handled nicely; a broad, painted line on the border of sweet and spicy. That helps cover up the innate stale-ish, protein-y blend of flour, starch and pea protein underneath.
Without that, this would come off a bit too much like a rice cake. On the more heavily seasoned crisps, it rules. On the ones with less of a dusting it gets a bit boring. Still, you get a pretty decent serving size per bag -- the 36 gram weight is roughly 20 percent more than you'd get with a potato chip. That makes the 150 calorie payload -- along with 12 grams of protein -- easier to digest.
If there's a problem here, it's that the crisps aren't a uniform thickness. That, with the uneven seasoning, leave a few to taste and feel like you're biting into Styrofoam. But the thinner chips work really well, making this an easy, healthy(ish) snack.
Hickory Barbecue Popped Crisps: B
I'm keeping this one in the bag after seeing how much seasoning I left behind on the plate with the sweet chili. I want to be able to tilt the bag downward and funnel this into my mouth like the gentleman I'm known to be.
It smells way closer to pork rinds than Pop Chips this time around, which I'll attribute to the barbecue flavoring. But the chips themselves straddle the line between the two, using that crisp pork crackling texture alongside a utilitarian BBQ flavor. The seasoning is maybe a little sweeter than I'd want -- some of that sweet chili heat would have been nice here -- but the chips themselves remain crushable.
It does suffer slightly from the lack of flavor that makes the thicker crisps a bit more arduous to chew through. In that case you wind up leaning into rice cake rather than pig skin. But for the most part it's a solid enough snack that provides enough protein in one bag to keep you from diving back into the cupboard an hour later.
Cheesy Crackers: B-
These are noticeably different than Quest's similarly jacked-up Cheez-its. While those were pressed and cracker-y, these have a bit more puffiness to them like the real article. They smell moderately cheesy but not especially good.
That puffed nature is from air pockets trapped between layers, making this a crunchy snack that lacks the density of more commonplace cheese crackers. There's a minor layer of seasoning on the outside before drilling down into that flaky layer underneath. The cheese flavor isn't overpowering, but it does last all the way until it clears your tongue, which is nice.
It's not anything special, but it does the job. You're getting 10 grams of protein at 130 calories, which is about half the payload of a good protein powder. Still, it's enough to fill you up for a couple hours en route to a proper meal.
Sour Cream and Onion popped crisps: B+
Once again I'm going straight from the bag in order to keep from losing vital seasoning dust. And for the convenience of being able to roll the crumbs down the sides and into my mouth toward the end like a 90s sitcom slob dad. It smells slightly like the onion promised on the bag, but much more like the roasted pea protein inside.
The taste is much better. The seasoning is bold up front, and while it still gives way to the rest of Pure Protein's popped crisps problem -- a flavor that doesn't last as long as the chip does -- it's sweet and tangy and satisfying. The lingering protein aftertaste isn't a problem, as it works alongside the remnants of that savory taste for a generally pleasant finish. Unless, of course, you wind up with a thicker crisp, which remains a little rice cake-y in execution.
Caramel Almond Sea Salt Nut Bar: A-
First off, this thing is tiny. I can understand the utility for someone who needs calories and protein in a small package, but I can already tell this isn't going to activate the part of my lizard brain that feels satisfied after eating. It miiiight be four inches long but clocks in at a relatively dense 47 grams -- roughly 1.5 times the standard serving size of chips or pretzels.
Opening it unleashes a wave of Stuckey's nut roll smells, which, hell yeah. There's a drizzle of white frosting on top and a thin layer of it on the bottom. In between are almonds of varying size and some pressed filler I'm going to assume is protein-based.
The bar itself is chewy between crunchy bits of smashed up nuts. The almonds lead the way with a little bit of vanilla before the caramel heightens that sweetness, only to be tempered by the salt. Only toward the end do you get the impression this is a muscle-building snack, as the inherent, tired slight stale-ness of protein isolate drops in.
That doesn't overpower the bar, and the sweet/salt combination paired with crushed almonds gives a minor pie crust feel to the whole experience. That's only a problem in that it's tempting me to eat this faster except, you know, tiny bar. Still, this tastes great, even if it hits you with a lower protein payload than Pure Protein's standard bars.
Brookie protein bar: C-
It's, again, a pretty small bar, and the chocolate chip cookie topper has only six chips, which isn't super encouraging. It smells like most protein bars, with some sharp sweetness giving way to an almost dusty, milk-based health food finish.
The first bite is, well, tough. The cookie on top is light and gritty. The brownie on bottom is dense and chewy. Taken together, it's an unpleasant mix that will leave no doubt this isn't an actual dessert.
Once you get past that disconcerting texture, the flavors aren't too bad. The cookie dough on top hits the "Toll House loaf right out of the fridge" target. The brownie starts off with some solid chocolate up front before giving way to a tedious protein profile. That's what tends to stick around, lingering in your teeth and at the front of your tongue long after you've swallowed.
As a protein bar, it's nothing special. As a follow up to Pure Protein's nut bar, it's a disappointment.
Sundae Cone protein bar: A
We're aiming for a Drumstick type flavor, per the box. That feels like a difficult target to hit -- chocolate, vanilla, peanuts and a crunchy shell. Like the other bars, it's smaller than a candy bar, which is kind of a bummer.
Somehow, Pure Protein hits that target. There's a satisfying crunch with each bite, with the fudge that coats the bar leading things off strong. That eventually evolves into some light peanut butter flavors and just the right level of sweetness. There's crunchy, soft and chewy throughout each bite, which makes for a very nice textural experience.
Eventually you get the chewy, protein bar fatigue. But the journey there is much more enjoyable than the Brookie. It hits a moving target, actually tasting like the very specific taste at which it aims without falling too hard into the protein bar trap.
Creamy Vanilla protein powder: B-
I'll be taking this the way I typically consume my protein powder; shaken up with some milk and dropped into my morning coffee. This time it's Death Wish because I have a caffeine protein. I'll be adding two percent milk and a little bit of Oatly oat milk because, well, I had it in my fridge and it works pretty well as a half-effort protein shake.
The powder itself smells a little unappealing. Not sweet but stale. There's no sugar in the ingredients, but at 150 calories for 25 grams of protein it's a bit on the denser side if you're watching your intake.
It doesn't mix as cleanly as the jar of Isopure that preceded it. A 10 second run through the shaker leaves some clumps behind. Another 20 seconds mostly solves that problem, but the mix itself is thicker than I'm used to. That's not a problem, but it's notable. A sip from the shake itself showcases a sweet, ice cream-esque vanilla; a bit more syrupy and sticky than some of the other vanillas I've had.
It's appreciated in a hot coffee, where that thickness creates a creamy, warm drink that wraps around your chest like an invigorating hug. I'm no coffee expert by any means, but I can appreciate how the sweetness works with the acidity of a brewed cup. Pair that with a pleasant texture and it's a standard deviation above the utilitarian delight of a black coffee.
But after a while that sweetness gets a bit cloying. The mix is too thick, even as you space it out with more milk. It tastes a little too artificial.
It's fine, but flaws persist. The good news is it does a solid job keeping my hunger at bay. With around 250 calories (between the powder and milk) I'm getting ~33 grams of protein in the morning that keep me running until 2 or 3 p.m. without issue.
Rich Chocolate Protein Powder: B-
This is also going in my coffee -- Death Wish light roast -- this time mixed with regular milk and some creatine powder. It smells incredible. The chocolate weaves into the brew to give off comforting mocha vibes.
It starts rich and creamy but devolves into a familiar chocolate protein powder trope: it's a little chalky. That isn't a big problem, just one you're probably used to if you're going through tubs of whey each month. Where the Isopure didn't quite taste like a powder, Pure Protein lands among the myriad other companies who couldn't nail the balance between dessert and health food.
That's less apparent in a straight-up shake. Mixing with milk alone washes over some of those hollow notes that pop up toward the end. None of this is bad, just something we've seen before and mostly accepted as a risk of the genre.